where am i

I feel like im divided and dividing @ a fork in the road...i am living my life but my direction is increasingly gaining speed in all directions..so its hard to understand why how how for the best living..what is the best living..what is happy what is suitable what id right..what is my worth what is worthlessness to who to me? am i still dealing with beta testing and i live and not aware tho the signs are everywhere and i dont have a blind eye i just a dumb mouth.. and questionable brain.. every action has a reaction and from some destruction forms creation or a creature nation?? lol.. this place is changing is this change in my dimension my illusion my reality my interpretation my desire to be one with my vibration and one with earth and higher power. I am I my own internal power.. questions concerns all meaningless or unimaginably very meaningful and to who? should i strive should i give up take a chance or disappear and vanish