i have come to terms...

with my life... and that i care about things and have things important to me and are responsible for things..that dont matter to anyone but me.. i feel as i progress in life that im just wasting everyones time and in inconvenience to everyone around me..
i dont really have anyone to talk to- by girlfriend gets annoying or says its creepy how i think when it comes to ideas and honestly its just for entertainment but i guess i come off as being so serious. i guess i come off as serious cuz most people around arent responsible people execpt for a few..and i take on the burdon of being responsible... stoopid me... my best friend is something like bi-poler when it comes to what escape is or what we drive for...and what does it (we) even stand for... we have ultimate potential..but yet i suppose its just what we do that matters... If we dont work toward an obtainable goal...it is just pointless and a waste... i feel so alone..heart broken.. and empty... I dont want to lose everyone around me b/c i want to accomplish something...or maybe these are obstacles that i need overcome...or i should just say fuck it all and sell the world... we have a great gift...but it feels like i should just give up cuz its all meaningless...mindless..music was the only thing that had given me hope throughout my depression...but it seems to bother everyone around me...i really hate myself...ive been on the verg of crying all day...i guess suicide is always the ultimate philosophers debate...what is life..what is the value of life...what is the value of my life..? I know nothing comes easy..but what is the definition of a sign to just stop and give up?..but once you lose everything are you truly free to experience everything? or is that just more lies... im not perfect.. i think the next few weeks with establish my choice..

2/12/2011

so...i think i might have cancer...maybe im just over-reacting..or maybe its my instinct in why i havent gone to the Dr for my cough/breathing/phlegm issue that has be increasingly worse...whatever i dont care..if i die i'll just be one less annoying person in the world...Im going fast to no where.. i have no plan...im just an absolute waste...annoying thoughtless selfish heartless non-bright boring weak piece of shit...who only has scummy loser friends...i dont matter...i only cause pain destruction and unpleasantness

2-12-2011

It comes a time when all things should be let down if they haven't fallen apart. I recall when i stated that Avid seemed to be going to too many directions and it is with my up most thoughts to end Avid. Music is a gateway for emotions and once full communication with one's self or a group as a whole, we must know how to be without limitations. Besides This musik thing wasnt ment to last. and Im gettin sick of the so-called standers of this cultures idea of electronic music. Anarcy in music and in life.... change the system or all will Fail.

wow

havent written in a while 2/1/11
lots happening fast moving also this was epic http://darkroomdemons.com/011411_aoki/

more lots more to come laters....