New Years Eve-

well it's 12-31-07....weird
im working till 7pm

i had an Amazing saturday night. Dave myself and Jeanette went to Mr. Bobbys b-day @ Dannys new place. It was a really really really fun time. We were Vip and brought sum booze for Danny n Bobby. Danny was BLaZn on the Decks gettn Trash'd Very very Very trashed Jeanette was making out with girls and it was great. Art show that was kinda funny, Lots of people, Joe Vortec playd sum very decent tunes and Cops came( i think 9 squad cars) around 2am and they were very nice and we made it home all drunk and stupid. Had an awesome time with Jeanette after we got home ;] .
yea it was pretty much a rave. now tonight its snowing and the I love Gold party danny's playing at is 21+ and iwanted to be with jeanette but she might go to dekalb and dave will be with his lady friend whos pretty kool( almost kooler then us, she has already seen rubber johnny) so i might just be alone tonight. Sam is going to B and linds and thats good she needs friends to help her get through our break up. Tim is having people over for a bean fest and i like my brain. if i eat any ill totally go into a bad depression and Jeanette is trying soooo hard to keep me happy and its working, but yea i need it to be successful in life. all and all these days are like raindrops of the storm that is my life. All is there but what is the meaning? My life directly affects many other lives. i am the key element to whatever this is. Will i really be alone on New Years? oh well its ok. I did start making a song the other day... lets see how that comes out....
I should remeber that the baby shrek is named Nugget. i almost forgot that P.S.N picked that.

12-26-07

mind traffic.

thoughts have caused mental accidents and the roads with smoke filled clouds that twist and trun these dark patchs that fill my light.

everyday we face choices that can affect our lives and the lives around us. like tree branches splitting out yet all coming to an end. dreams and memories can haunt ones daily activites. justin dave myself jeanette Shells Jayjo samples ian and a bunch of other were all drinking @ cap's last night then jeanette went back to my house and i thnk we pasted out aound 9am this moring and yea like a totally of 6 maybe but not counting from the night prior what a x-mas present in a sense. I took my labret out the other night, part of growing up. Sam has been txting me and its really annoying i dont know what she wants. my life is now so different, Jeanette and i have found a very speical love for each other and i am glad we have what we have. what has my life come to. I have totally almost given up on moving to LA or taking that bi monthly showcase in FL. i need sleep.

from 12-21-07

backdated

Here @ work waiting to leave to start my Vaction from school. Last night Jeanette came over and crashed @ my house.. though we didnt sleep, talking and what not. Its funny how talking can make you realize how abstract life can be. voices and thoughts swirling around causing a storm or emotions to run rampid in the shores of my mind. tonight is a Kompute Record Lable x-mas party and Justin in coming in from L.A.
so lets see how this goes

12-24-07

Christmas Eve-2007

The Kompute xmas party was ok, kinda small this year but nice nontheless. Alex was bangn sum bomb tunes, Jeanette looked pretty and dave was ok too. Justins fri flight got cancelled and came in on saturday late, but his phone died and sum confusion entailed. Chilled with Jeanette in my room until 4 then we attened this after party form the rave on sat night but I got refused b/c too many people. The Last time that happened Angel was ther and got me right in, but he wasnt ther this time so we went back to my house to sleep for a while and got her home by 11. Finally met up with Justin on Sunday and all i can say is retardeddd Wax wow..Jagur redbull DnB's the Datum.. worked on a track to at his place. why i am i here? I was here in chicago b.c. i was planning on spending my x mas with sam and her family but she ended it so that was no longer an option... so i have been here trying to erase those memories. Jeanette is still making it clear we are not Dating but she says she has found love for me in a special friend kind of way... how do I open up to that? a love non love? what we have is good and i do not wish to change it but its hard to hold up position and with my mind so confused yet blank. to be happy is to not think.

Why im glad i live in chicago

today is the 20th of Dec. I havent blogged in a little bit. Life is crazy. Dave and I have really aided in the (i am legand) track with Alex. we even worked on that @ my house for a few hours. I have been spending alot of time with Jeanette and gettin past sam. Though Sam sent me a myspace after a few weeks of no contact.. I have been trying to forget her and everything that my life consisted of during that time, but there is always something that reminds me of how things were. i know things will never be like that again, and even dave comments how happy i am nowadays. Krista has been reminding me of how things were sooo much different when iwas 17-18 and i am glad i have her to talk to. Colette has been still showing me love and i could be Booked @ Stellar Spark in Milwakee Wisco for News Year..but i doubt ill go. I do not understand how my life works but i continue on this forward motion. I love all those close to me, its sad that Kyle is now a traveling manager and Dee is going to Colorado... but i will stay on my tasks, my current goals for 2008: get in shape, graduate school, get a good paying job and get a release on vinyle.

its been awhile 12-06-07

Here @ work on my day off. things have been going...alot of chill nights, fun at the studio with Dave, Jeanette Alex Marko n sum kittyfood, ect...Finally got to hang out with her for a lil while and it was nice. things with the Y.M. (J) have been very fun and helpful. its funny how life can twist and turn like a elevator from DR. Suess. School is almost out for the month and i finally took my Mac sumplace to see if it can be saved. getting past all old memories with the aid of the people who are becoming close to me has helped me alot. Jeanette is going to school in Jan and problly moving downtown. Im still considering if i should stay in IL or move to LA. sooo much shit on my mind. Bang is just about a dead issue but the ghosts will always have there shadows.
Dave is employeed and in a somewhat of a better mood. Colette has been really awesome and she is playin here on Saturday and i would like to have aleast 2 tracks done with Dave and Alex and even Marko to give to her then. i also started to write somthing again.
i love all my friends-
thank you all

re-cap

wow dont remember where i lift off @. 11-27-07

Justin was in town, bad ideas n broken dreams, ear wax diablo kush ect...fukn around chilln with Jeanette..

O my mind... depression is a heavy cloude following my footsteps. Crazyness for Dave's 24th Bday @ Vision. fights in the streets , parking garages...yea..
all and all i need to change my life.

11-15-07

in the studio with Z on tuesday night... he brought a few different wav. files that i have given him and put them into ableton and wow... shit was bang'N!!!!!! going to finish the track tonight i believe. Been chillin with jeanette lately, watchin Nip Tuk and talkn about life. we seem to be very similar. though someone else has been on my mind alot...........wow... heard that T was on H, had a small stroke, but shit is still F'd up...startd to talk to lisa for a few days but realized shes just a dumb bad person. Justin will be back from LA soon, Daves Birthday is coming up, maybe Broken dreams, who knows... i have been stayin sober alot. still think of bang but not too much... i stopped most of those feelings... life is still confusing. I having been moving in a direction, that i can only assume is foward..one day ill be able to help all that need it, ya give what u get...i have been shown alot of love from many others, i need to share this love with all that i meet. Thanksgiving is coming up in Dekalb...we will see how that goes.

until then,

past good times ; )

crazyness of life

so this week was deff a different one. Was kinda craked out after the whole weekend, gettin to meet Jeanette, being in the studio and not workin on anything...and the whole dekalb thing.. ugh.. but anywho out of Left field just like b4 this person messages me who i have often thought about and wow...years later..and still beautiful. anyhow things are almost finally done with any feeling left for bang. Time to move forward. Justin will be out her soon, Daves turning 24.. life is moving. Been hangin out with Jeanette and just kinda talking... she is pretty sweet and semi reminds me of me a little bit... oh to be young again.... who knows whats happening with that. the more you change the less you feel...Smashing Pumpkins...ahah that K was awesome that night, thanks Z. Tryed to go to 2 partys last night with Jeanette but it didnt work out, things usually dont work out they way their planed with her.. oh well, shes really pretty.

i just dont kno.

So friday 11-2-07, Well let me back track... on the 30th of Oct my computer broke. im still trying to figure out if i lost the last 3+ years of work, or if i can save anything... but either way i am screwed... :( then Friday got my first speeding ticket and a seat belt ticket going to pick up Jeanette to meet for the first time. (financially im doing kinda shitty right now) I could really use some help...After Dave n I picked her up we headed downtown to the Party -Deep- where Mr. Bobby was going to play sum of my tracks... but we went to the wrong location and didnt find the party( and i use to always ALWAYS find the party..but i feel as i have changed). SO we ended up going to the studio drinking and chilln wit Marko and Alex. But Jeanette ended up gettin kinda sick so we had to dip. but it was really fun getting to know her and finally meeting her. Saturday crazy shit... got ditched kinda by sum friends. didnt take her to Dekalb, and didnt even drink...well had one Drink the whole time i was there.... we played some tunes. dave actually Dj'ed for the first time adn the people wer have'n fun but i just chilled upstairs by myself. I felt like some weird kinda tension from B. and started to feel really down. oh rolliepollie with Squared on the Ride up ther* but yea SO Sunday... did a dine-n-dash at like the only place to eat in Dekalb...and i think that really piss'd off people... so i think im going to take some time off from everyone and everything.... i dont think people really want me around...im trouble...im troubled... and it seems to be a burden on most people... im sorry.
i dont know or how i have become who i am... and i do not like this person...

another great halloween weekend!

the fun started off on thursday to come support the Orcale but the performance was missed. But that didnt stop D dave and I from gettin trashed with Marko at the bar and then headin over to Bettys Bluestar, drinking with Zak and Peter Rabbit. First and let me go back and say Madd Love to Marko -even though we missed his set on Thursday, gettin trashed with him dave Dee the Rabbit and Zak, there and then Betty's was RawkN. Ended up Puckn at and gettin dropped off @ my house with out around 4 without my car haha Thanks D. Friday Thrillya 3 was Killer(i cant believe she died) Awesome tunes lots and lots of friends and met sum cool people. Got trashed I was a softwarePirate D was a Pirate with Parrot and Dave had a creepy ass Dead JD costume.... it was really creepy. Went to an afterhours @ josh's drank rollie pollie with squared we played for a while mixin sum new tunes and got to meet up wiht Amanda then bed around 10am and Saturday....GOT AN EMAIL FROM COLETTE SAYING SHE WANTS TO HEAR SOME OF MY TRACKS!!! DJ COLETTE!! BOHHHHUKASHWA....after Dave and Picked up Alex from his Ma's we went to Zentra (called and got VIP 10minutes b4 getting there) stood around with dave and Alex for about 10 min and then dipped to the Kompute loft party for SR-71 (Bday)!! She is really bad ass and can throw down sum Beats!!! So it was Amazing an time. Alex played dave n I worked the kaoss and chilled drank ate (they had an awesome spread) Open bar and Even Mateo and ian outta no where show up... then Crazy Jake...Beans..... the second party and going out on the Roof...Marko n Frozty.. good times... sleep is good sometimes...now is one of those times.

all my friends.

Really are pretty awesome. I am thankful for all that they do for me.

Meeting one of the guys from Justice

Who knew...most of my friends blew me off. I feel as im losing ground. Nick came out and we headin downtown around 8 got some booze and started to drink. We stopped by the studio so he could take an award winning in longest pee and then we dipped. We went to go see Justice @ the metro. the show was Amazing and the sound was intense. We headin down to Smartbar after the show and after dancing our drunk asses off for about an hour we headed to the bar and low and behold one of the guys from Justice. Nick talked to him and i got a pic with the both of them. I lit his Square and shook his hand... it was a really fun night... i still feel missing though. i really miss her. all and all good night, met an idol and then puked when i got home... i was realllly trashed.

10-18-07

trying to find myself

I do not know the direction i am going. i feel lost in a world that is meant f0r someone else. all that i choose seems to be irrelevant to the greater sense of things. Before i felt that i had more then a meaning or a purpose. now nothingness. i find it hard to make music, hard to relax, just hard to keep on moving. what have i become?

moving on.

10-12-07
It has almost been one week since i have been on my own ... I am feeling a feeling i have never felt before. Its a feeling that i guess is lacking a purpose. not just empty but nothing. I have been keeping myself very busy and Bruce and Lindsy have been helpful too. Dave has been really good about everything. Nick surprisingly has not been very helpful. he rather chill w/ his g/f then help out a friend in need. Each day things seem to get darker and more lonely . but it was time to move on.

i did see Felix da Housecat last night. It was really awesome!! and it was free. I felt alone though b/c i really f'n hate being alone....

Electrowarroirs 9-28-07

9-29-07
Last night, we left @ 12 to go pic up Z then went to the studio and we heard the new tune that is amazing and started to booze with Orcale and (?)Casandra then we headed out around 1 to the party in sum warehouse were we partyed b4 in. New directions are starting to take place, and while danny is moving, our musical business relationship is headin in better direction. the mini laptop is a goldmine in this digital age. I just cant give up. and we can not wait much longer

re-cap of the weekend

Friday was an ok night, went with squared to the studio, though Alex was all kittied out and needed to sleep. Then after a change of plans, headed over to Datums and just relaxed. though after i got home and bout ready to fall asleep, i received a call from Meri b/c her car got towed and i couldnt do much about it and i felt really shitty about that.
Saturday in Dekalb was interesting, semi drunkn times funny ass video of a persons semi-sad life and awesome food. the ways lives are intertwined is comical. Sunday in Dekalb brownies were made... and damn...Blown like a rocketship outta this world. ;)

poem

Generations falling down

before they could even stand.

hollow eyes do not feel.

and all these souls can not be seen.

what are we left with.

who will win?

what will be in the victory?

Takes me back to D. P.

9-21-07

in the studio with Z again. He had a female vocalist and .... push record will Deff B a Banger :)
good shits mate'. After sum kittefood the tracks i was playin started to F with Alex and I and needed to regroup and he needed to complete the flyer design for Orlando. The vocalist from L.A is going to do good for Alex. Things are beginning to take shape for Bang part 2 Bangin N the New Year. this one should be held in De Kalb and if all goes well, it will be alot of fun.

9-20-07

After a late night @ the studio with Zelenka, Squared and Meri, sleep would be best, but Buttons came by for a morning fix :) and she cooked me breakfest which was in good intentions. Yesturday I found out i will be graduating in Dec 2008 :( oh well. Each day is different, but when i have positive people around me, its hard to feel blue. I cherish my time working with Alex, i know good moves will be made. With Danny moving soon and maybe working at the Ministy of Sound, i know i need to stop F'n around and get an Album completed.

d

thoughts when headin home

9-18-07
each day has reminisces of the past with speckles of light for new opportunity. The gift of life is choice. is hard work as rewarding as they say? how do you argue with your soul? Where does the line get drawn between perception and self deception. I feel as music is a failing force that i keep fueling. pushing myself faster and harder toward nothing. who will listen back and and feel like my semi accomplishments had any minor or major shaping toward their destinies. the peers who i seek answers or guidance from are busy moving forward in their dreams. i am falling and it feels like no one is near to catch me. How can i aid in an revolution where i am losing the battle with myself.

8-31-07

Events have been taking place that are shaping the existence to my life. The time of my graduation is drawing near, the evolution of my music has been taking a turn for the better and acknowledgment from other artists has risen. Being part of Hi-Fi Hearts with Livewire and Alex Zelenka to name a few has been most beneficial and uplifting. With livewire moving to Spain by Oct. alot of work must be done soon. In the new studio the other night with Alex, Squared, Butters and then Marco, we actually put to use the Circuit Bent mini V-tech laptop and the results were better then expected. Nights like that emit so much inspiration in the air. A live mix should be recorded soon between the compute dave found in the trash and my laptop.
Day by day it seems like marriage is the only answer between sam and myself. life is just. In the mist of confusion is the sight of clarity.
The r(evol)ution continues daily.

seeing Daft Punk in L.A.

on july 21st I saw Daft Punk and it was fucking EPIC.

L.A is a different place, Beaches, chill people,Very Very Good Green and Fun times... Though that is to say some drama did arrive, but all and all it wasn't what is expected and at the same time was not disappointing. Justin has adapted the LA nicely but people still think hes crazy. His friends were nice and not to much different then chicago kids. They enjoyed the music that I played and met a drummer who can maybe help down the road. The music is growing and evolving. What am I fueling?

23rd Birthday

6-28-07
This was the first time Squared ever threw a party as his P's place. We set up and were playing and Andy Cash brought out the CD tables and Datum showed him whats up with the wicked mixing he was doing. Good times with Sam (until we found out that her money was stolen, by peices of shit). Some good friends where there , and then Meri came out which was kool and nice to talk to her about life, Matt got his ass beat and I feel really bad for him, though he kinda had it coming. Mani came out and was doing this thing all was sounding good. Life is funny at times and stupid people do a good job of ruining shit. But a lot of love to dave for doing something awesome for me and my Birthday.

sunday. the day after

In the devils layer, i still am not there yet. the world is said to end in 2012. i believe that may be true. I do not know it that means the end of the physical world or the world that we agree on in the conceptual way. The planets will a-line and the magnetite forces with reverse with the north and south poles to switch and the end it will occur. Science is going to be show us the pathway to our deaths. Changes are needed and nothing is constant. Music can be a gift of love. So I give on to u my love. The Empire is starting and how to escape? the answer is complex.

aging in time

Sitting here watching time slip by me so very quickly and wondering how it is that i have gotten here. semi empty bottle of booze deminstraits that of a problem that wont go away until it starts again. I have almost comepleted 5 new tracks in 3 days. i can not slow down even without doing . where did i go before? i see people for who they really are at times and reality is best introduced to non believes in larger amounts but until they split in two they may never learn. How do i forget, i forgot to forget before and keep thinking. is that bad or movement.
3-29-07

Hear.

at times you do not need eyes to see when you can listen to the werd. Thought-waves ampifly manifestion and bullshiting can go both ways. New steps are becoming more transparent and with age, beautify is still. Creations are all. Ediot will be out soon. Thank you to the creator and thank you for your all.

escape chicago

the languge of God is music. the movement begins