so that was christmas

12-26-2011

So christmas time- I am in bed sitting alone. woke up alone- feeling very alone. i feel like my best friend is going into another direction- I feel empty that if it wasn't for my gfs parents i wouldnt have had anything at all for christmas... i guess thats a weird feeling when it comes to a realization point that yes im friends with people..but what is meaning to them?

I guess i shouldn't complain - but its just a reminder of the truth of my life here. if i wasn't here- the world would keep turning because my feelings are really only important to me and no one else. How can i change the world with the closest people i would think i could relay on don't always seem to care and make me feel bad ... i have come to a ledge and i really dont know if i will always be able to keep fighting to keep balance. SO this is christmas- the act of giving of oneself - i gave of myself to make others happy and in return i am given the gift of sight- to see that my importance here is totally a disillusion. i am something but its hard to not feel like nothing. at all.